NANCY BOTWIN QUOTES

• "People got stoned for The Passion of the Christ? That's disturbing." (Episode 1)

• "I'm the suburban baroness of bud, Nancy."
  
• "I'm not a dealer, I'm a mother who happens to distribute illegal products through a sham bekery set up by my ethically questionable CPA and his lawyer friend."
  
• "You've made your bed now f*ck in it."

• (Talking to Celia): "I don't give a flying f*ck if you do have cancer, put your t*tties away in front of my kid [Silas]."
• (Talking to Andy): "Get in there and finish frying your eggs, and think of a menu that includes pork-wrapped items. And wash your hands! All I need now is for the boys to eat heroin eggs for breakfast."
• Cop: "I thought you were getting your husbands ashes?" Nancy: "I forgot...We buried him."
• "Nice, Shane goes on a paint rampage [and] gets suspended. The two of you ditch school to f*ck in my guest room. I've got everything under control."
• (Talking to Silas): "Please tell me I didn't just hear that you had cybersex with a fifteen-year old deaf girl."
• "Andy, this is my business, it's nothing to do with you. Go downstairs and do what you do best, patrol the couch in your underwear."
• "Thug means never having to say your sorry..."
  
• "Silas, don't swear at your brother, Shane; don't antagonize Tara; Tara, keep savin' it for the Lord!...Where the f*ck is Andy?!"
• " I'm a drug dealer, there, I said it. I'm a f*cking drug dealer."
• "Judah, If you're still here...I tried."
• Guillermo: "It's the circle of life." Nancy: "Hakuna Matata"
• (To Celia): "Fine. If we regroup the group, you'll be in the group."
• "I started selling so I could maintain my lifestyle...Not dismantle it."
• Nancy: "Let me rephrase. You sold me ******** skank weed. And I can't move it and I want a refund." Heylia: "And I want an a*s like Beyonce's. Ain't nether of us gettin' what we want."
• (After tripping Shane's school bully, Deven, at soccer practice): "Deven, honey, you should really watch where you're going."
• "I believe my brother-in-law's exact words were, "Dude, meed the finest jit with the finest ****."
• (To Doug): "Unless you want to go back to buying ditchweed from your house keeper's cousin, I suggest you put away the pipe, hide the open bag of pot and get your head out of your a*s. What are you thinking?"
• (To Doug): "She's from Ananeim not Bangkok, it's not like she can shoot tennis balls out her ****."
• Conrad: "Are you calling all black people stupid?" Nancy: "And lazy and they also steal." Heylia: "But we sings and dances real good."
• Nancy: "I just heard a ten-year-old got busted. A ten year old! You're a ******* liar." Josh: "The kid told me he wad 37."
• Nancy: "Give me a little respect, I'm the biggest game in the private community of Agrestic." Haylia: "Drugs sell them selves biscuit, you ain't ****."
• Celia: "Have you ever had sex with a woman?" Nancy: "None of your business." Celia: "Oh come on, tell me..." Nancy: "Okay, I slept with a woman in college once." Celia: "How was it?" Nancy: "Boring." Celia: "Well, maybe you didn't do it right." Nancy: "She said it was the best she'd ever had." Celia: "What are you doing Friday night?"
• Conrad: "How you doin'?" Nancy: "Me? If this doesn't work out, I could end up being the oldest Gap employee in Southern California."
• Nancy: "But most of all, I didn't Xerox your license and put it in a state controlled databank." Doug: "What? I'm in a databank?" Nancy: "You sure are. So when your wives find out and divorce you, they'll get custody of your children because their overpriced attorneys will be able to prove you're nothing but a bunch of irresponsible pot heads who can't be trusted? Doug: "I'm in a databank?" Dean: "Celia would have a field day with that." Doug: "I...I...I'm up for Council re-election. I can't be linked to any pot clubs. Any of you guys know any good hackers?"
• "I know, you're thinking 'she doesn't look Jewish.' I come from welsh stock, actually. Lotta coal-miners in Wales, not a lot of Jews."
• Nancy: "Talk to Shane about jerking off." Andy: "I'm all over it."
• (Nancy is banging on a pot and singing horribly, "Pally Wally Doodle", into the microphone): Shane: "Stop, you have to stop." Andy: "Yeah, yeah stop." Nancy: "Not until Silas comes out. This is my invasion of Panama." Shane: "Like when we got the canal?" Andy: "No, what do they teach you in school?" Shane: "How to pass the weekly standardized test to get the school more funding."
• (To Shane): "Go to your mediocre public school."
• Nancy: "There's global warming, unless you want the planet to dissolve in one big ocean." Shane: "Global warming is just God's will. I liked the Range Rover, that car is gay!!" Nancy: "Don't be ignorant just because it's in right now."
• (Talking to Sullivan about the assistant job): "Oh, I don't do porn so much anymore. I found it very tiring."
• Nancy: "Oh Jesus, you scared me." Celia: "Good. I hope you peed your panties...Where is he?" Nancy: "Who?" Celia: "All right, I guess you have to ask that. (Begins imitating Nancy) 'Who Celia? The one who called you a drunk at a public assembly or the one who stole civic property?'" Nancy: "I have no idea what you're talking about!" Celia: (Pulling a tape from her bag): "I have Silas, on video, stealing." Nancy: (Nancy takes the tape, throws it, and smashes it with her shoes) "Oh not today!" Shane: "Mum, we're gonna be late." (He, then, sees Celia with a gun.) Nancy: "Where the hell did you get a gun?" Celia: "I've borrowed it from pen. (Celia reluctantly shoots into the wall and gets overly excited) Oh my God!" "I only had one bullet, I was gonna shoot Doug. I'll see you at graduation." (She, then, takes her bag and leaves.)
• Kat: "Kat!" Nancy: "Yow lost your cat?" Kat: "I'm Kat. You're Nancy, right?"
• Silas: (On the phone with his mom): "Hi Nancy." Nancy: (While U-Turn and the Armenians are pointing their guns at her) "Hi...did you take something that doesn't belong to you?" Silas: "I want in." (Nancy sighs; Silas has her weed in the back of his car; and Celia arrives in a police car.) Celia: "That's him! That's the little ****** who stole my cameras! Arrest him!" Silas: "****" (Silas hangs up, while five guns point at her...)
• Nancy: "I've got bills! How am I supposed to put food on my table if you keep upping my debt!" U-Turn: "Get a f*cking job."
• "Hola, U-Turn sent me. I'm supposed to pickup a package. (The barman stares) U-Turn...Para Obtengo el Paqueto...(Keeps staring) "Any chance you speak French?"
• Nancy: "Tim's kind of a ********." Valerie: "F*ck you, I love my son." Nancy: "I'm sorry. Of course you do." Valerie: "I love my ******** son."
• Silas: "I'd like my phone back." Nancy: "No, as I told you before, I've other plans for you. Coming with me to the growhouse tomorrow." Silas: "Should I be excited about this, or is this like, punishment?" Nancy: "This is also like, a way to learn about a business from the ground up. Literally, this is also like, away to keep you occupied so you don't, like, go off and do something else, like, stupid. Like get it?"
• (To Silas): "We don't **** where we eat...or eat where we ****...either way. Words of wisdom."
• Shane: (To Silas) "That's right, I'm a big *** so you can suck my d*ck. Please can I come with you, Mom?" Nancy: "No, honey. I need some alone time and you just told your brother to suck your d*ck. Gross!"
• Andy: "Are we gonna die tonight?" Nancy: "Probably not." Andy: "Still, we could. Let's say thoughtful things about each other." Nancy: "You're a good person. You've really stepped up for the kids. You make me laugh. I'm glad you're part of the family." Andy: "I miss Yael." Nancy: "Thank you, Andy. That's very sweet."
• Guillermo: "I had to smother a guy with a pillow once. My arms got tired. You?" Nancy: "Not so much. It was Tempurpedic. Conformed to her face."
• "Oh you think there's a tiny little immiarant stuffed in my lipstick?"
• "I've had a particularly challenging last 24 hours, but in the drive-through at Popeye's, I found myself saying, 'Family Combo, please!', and it was a moment of clarity."
• Celia: "I want my tooth back." Nancy: "You don't get your tooth back. I keep your tooth. I drill a tiny hole in it and wear it around my neck. I become your God."
• (To Celia): "Try not to look Homeless...."

• Nancy needs reminded of what item that does not come with batteries? (Season 1)
  
• What Cherry did Nancy get popped in Season 1?
• What is like a pyramid?
• The first part of Botwin: "Bot" refers to Botany, the science of plants. The second part, "win", refers to her winning; or being very good at dealing. Botwin is also a Jewish last name.
  
• Nancy is blood type O+.
  
• The Japanese Blood Type Personality theory states that people with type O blood have the following traits:

  Best Traits:	Agreeable, sociable, an optimist.
  Worst Traits:	Vain, careless, ruthless.